I lhoavtee you

When I look at you I find those secluded hours in the tiny corners, where we'd hide, trying to stay away from prying eyes. Where you'd whisper that you love me, and give me little reasons to smile. When you stare I remember that first day, where my immature mind told me that this was real. I remember the way you were shy, and quiet. The way you would turn your walk into a swagger. I remember when you told me you loved me, how we were floating in immeasurable bliss.

When I look at you I remember that day that I sat there crying and you walked past, it wasn't your fault, but you could have said hello. When I look at you I remember how you made it clear that you were ignoring me. When I look at you I start to hate you. I start to hate myself for wanting you to talk to me again. All I wanted was a "hello". It would have meant the world.

So when you look at me and I refuse to look your way think about that. It was over more than 4 years ago. Why can't we move on?

Birthday Blues

I waited by the phone this morning,it was really early and the call didn't come. I knew it wasn't going to come but I feel one step closer to accepting life as it is now. I spent the day in a dress =O yeah, I know. But I need to move on. It's healthy right? I met up with some friends, I got a beautiful necklace,it's old fashioned with a heart locket that opens up and it has my uncle's picture in it, so a big thank you to my friends Navi, and Manni. Thank you it is above and beyond any birthday gift I have ever recieved. Today I talked about my cuts. They talked to me about my cuts, and it made my journey to recovery much easier. Navi, manni, I love you guys so much, and I'm glad you understand just how much I need you guys right now. Thank you for all the support and I hope that soon enough this phase will pass.
Then I went to downtown hung out with a friend (thank you Harjot for standing my boring company) and met up with my cousins, the people I love so very much. They treated me to a delicious lunch at Moxies, and now here I am back at campus.
Today I was and am going to be with the people I love the most, thank you for understanding how difficult today is going to be for me.

A Sweet Dream

If I could I would hold you,
Keep you warm, until your stuborn tears came streaming out in rivers,
Until the heavy oceans of grief came pouring out.
If I could I would kiss away the tears,
I would cradle you in my arms, and trace your scars,
Until you could see what I see,
When I look at you.
I love you.

The Bow

The origins of the bow river. Oh mountains how I miss thee.

"I dont need Obama, I dont need Clinton, I will free Egypt with my mom and dad" - Young Child at Tahrir Square.

It took 18 days of protest to remove a president of 31 years
Congratualtions Egypt, today you made history and proved that revolution can still happen. Here's hoping for a free, diverse, and prosperous Egypt.

Truth is... I cut.
Truth is.... I scream.
Truth is.... I cry until I lose consciousness.
Truth is .... you don't want to hear this.
Truth is.....you act oblvious to my tears
Truth is.......you go quiet and akward every time I need you
Truth is....... its going to be ok. I'm going to stop cutting, the wounds will heal. There will be scars.
Truth is....I'm lying when I say I need you. I don't
I need myself. I need my family. I need God.
This whole time I thought He wasn't there
Angry with the turn of events.
Futily trying to every path to find peace.
He exists.
In every smile, in every breath, in every act of kindness.
I'm going to get help.
I'm afraid one day your going to need it too.
Good-bye my love. It's time to grow up.

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