Leaving Home.

For a long time I wanted to know what my ancestry is like my parents were born in India, but raised here. People would often critisize us for not being "brown enough". I didn't understand. So I got myself an Indian penpal to try to see the Indian perspective and I talked him today. He currently lives in India, and he wants to come to Canada or the States. Don't get me wrong I love Canada with a passion I can't explain its my home, my life, my pride, the place I was born, where my parents grew up where I grew up, and I could go on forever. But my penpal doesn't have that kind attachment to India, which I found strange. Canadians are notoriously famous for our lack of nationalism, and I honestly thought Indians had a lot more nationalism than us. I mean, I think after seeing so many bollywood musicals I would expect for him to have more nationalism then me.(Obviosly I'm stupid if I'm basing something on a musical but eh? it was a subconscious idea). I guess not. He says he wants to be a "big man" which I assume means that he wants to earn big money interpreting from his letter.

I wonder what it is that draws Indians to immigate?

Is it the New World dream to come and economically prosper?

He has so many servants, a house that triples the size of mine, his parents own a business that other people run, whats more economically prosperous than that? And there are BILLIONS of consumers.

I'm not a business expert but if he can manage to start up and launch a business in India thats a huge market. Yes I know I'm a science major so I should shut up and focus on what I know.

I know that India is amazingly exotic and has great history, I know that it has corruption and poverty too. I know that Canada is accepting, and I know that there are faults in our judicial system, and that disparity is on the rise. But at the end of the day I want to help make this world a better place because thats it, the first trait that UNICEF discovered about Canada. Globalization is our culture.

So what is it about Indian culture that drives people to leave the country? Or tells them that life is easier over here than it is in India?

Letter's to God. From my brother.

Dear God,

My name is Sean and I am 9 years old. I wanted to know where you live? and what are your hobbies? I am very eager to know how old you are? How did you create Earth and the rest of the universe? Please answer so that my sister believes that your there.

Thank you,

Sean

PS (is there a lot of video games where your from, I'm really good at Black Ops)

Winter fairytale- we had 25cm+ of snow!

Then he looked to my empty hand and said without your wand you can't do anything. I laughed and said my wand is like my right hand. Even if I didn't have it I would exist and thus so would my magic. He scoffed, and I began to fly straight up into the air my arms waving creating thousands of sparkling flakes around me. The snow fell and fell. I looked down and smiled.

I exist.

Masked Royalty

I caught you. oh yes I did...

Here it is my guilt filled epilogue.

I wrote my 3rd final today and the way it works is that students are seated beside others writing different exams for different classes/faculties you get the idea. We aren't allowed cell phones etc. So I'm writing and writing and the guy beside me has his blackberry out. Oh My God. Is this really happening? He's cheating! I'm basically shaking in my seat now because I don't know what to do. Should I leave it? let him cheat and think it's none of my business. Or should I tell the examiner?

I decide I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, I mean maybe he forgot to turn off his phone and that he had it on him. Maybe.. Well he didn't he kept taking it out and checking stuff on his phone. Now I was torn in 2.

Is it fair that we pay over $5000.00 to go to school and work hard to try and earn some marks and people like him get away with cheating?

But if I tell on him he's probably going to go on acedemic probabtion. I read more into my exam, and thought "hey if he does it again then I'll tell"

In the back of my head I could here my sister's voice screaming about human rights and equality as ridiculous as that sounds. By not telling on him was I promoting cheating? Was this something I was OK with?

Nope it wasn't so on my way out I told the examiner what had happened. I feel like a rat, but then at the same time, the rest of the students worked hard for this, it's not fair to cheat. If I hadn't put a stop to it I would silently be promoting it. I feel bad because I'm sure whoever he was he was probably a nice person, but that does not give them a right to cheat, and have an advantage over all of us who spent so much time studying right?

Yes I'm procrastinating...again. I've discovered the most amazing photographer/model on flikr (http://www.flickr.com/photos/rosie_hardy/2597191927/in/photostream/) she is amazing her phots really are awesome. Other than that not much, I try to focus on school and work but I'm still greiving. But hey if you get a chance check out the pictures. Also February is coming around the corner and its Heart and Stroke month so go out and raise some money and awareness.

Coolio Imma bounce

My expose

So here I sit writing once again, I lost my uncle. My dear, dear uncle. I used to live at his house until last year when I went off to university trying to live out my dreams. I wish I could explain just how much he means to me. I guess I should give some examples to clarify. Being a girl my grandparents didn't really like me. I'm a girl, and god forbid their son have a daughter. My uncle took me in with open arms at the age of 1. He knew how longingly I had looked at my grandparents when they shunned me into my parents bedroom. He knew how much I hated myself for being a girl. Often times in elementary we had these assemblies and performances. Rarely were my parents able to make it, and my little 6 year old heart would break. But then I'd look into the crowd and see his face smiling up at me. Encouraging me. After a couple of years my sister and brother were born. I love them so much. My sister became daddy's little girl, and my brother became my mom's spoiled son. My parents would always say who their favorite children are. It's not that they don't love me, I guess too much happened with my grandparents that parts of them just couldn't make me their favorite. It was ok though because I had my uncle, his wife and kids. I would laugh and say make them your favorites I still have two families. He was a drug addict, it would kill me inside to see him leave for weeks or days on end and we wouldn't know where he went. I hated him then, I hated him for making his children wait outside of school. I hated it when I lost one of my cousins and he couldn't come to his house. I hated it when he didn't know what he was saying high off of god know what. But in my heart I knew I could never hate him, I was angry and young, and yet I could never bring myself to say anything to him. He was like my second dad after all. Finally after a back surgery things declined for him. Doctors would prescribe ridiculous pain killers and he would OD on them. His health deteriorated and us, his family did nothing but tell him to stop taking drugs, we didn't understand that he was in pain. Never believed it when he said he thinks he's going to die young. I love him with my heart and soul. He took me in when a lot of people had turned their backs on me. No one will ever realize what I lost and I see that now when people ask me why I wasn't at work, or why I deferred exams. When I tell them, they kind of shrug it off as if to say well it was only your uncle. Can't you see that this smile is fake? That when I go silent I need you to hold my hand? You think I'm ok? I'm not every second I remember trying to resuscitate him after the paramedics said he's dead. I hear his mother's wails, I hear my mom, his sister's screams after they took him away. I hear his daughter's repeated call of "daddy" thinking if I say it once more he'll wake up. I hear his brother yelling and crying like a mad man. I see his son staring at me as if asking me if it's true. I see his father a lt. colonel who has never lost a war stand forever defeated. Now when my parents tell me who their favorite children are I can't laugh. I miss him. Please try to understand that.